Communication issues: the popular choice?

Sorry, it’s not a choice, but it’s VERY common. Almost all of the couples I see have communication issues and they are open about this.  

Often, folks are excellent communicators with colleagues, customers and neighbours. But the closer we get to our inner circle (lovers, parents, children, siblings) things really decline. There’s so much at stake, we can’t help but let our emotions rise. We NEED these relationships to work out. 

A simple way to break this stuff open, is looking at communication patterns, and then to identify the strengths in these patterns. Occasionally, I will ask clients to employ a few simple tools: stay seated for discussion; use pen and paper; ensure both parties are regulated enough to embark on a tricky conversation (no one makes good decisions on an empty stomach); and more. So often, there’s no fuel left in the tank; this means little patience left for what the other has to say.  

No matter the cause or foundation for your miscommunication, I will always ask you to end any yelling, name-calling or put downs. It’s too painful for each other.